did you get engaged???
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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