mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
only if we run a train.
done.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
