I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
