it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
