I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
