She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
