im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
