I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
