Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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