How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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