What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
