Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
