Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
