He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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