so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
