Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
