Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
