I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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