Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
