The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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