NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
