i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
