If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
