I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
