The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
