I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
