She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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