I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
