By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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