Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She tied me up with her honor cords...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
