Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
where are you?
Hypothermia
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
