my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Damn victory sex feels great
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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