Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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