his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
