so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize