hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
this just has baby written all over it
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
