I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
