Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think your dad took our porno
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
