And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
