I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I would fuck him just for his dog
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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