my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
A+ Viking dick
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
