i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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