We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
