On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
