look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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