Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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