it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
