dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
