he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
