Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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