My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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