I think I can smell my own vagina right now
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
