"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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