Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
