I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
