i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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