wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
