I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
