You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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