I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
