i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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