I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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