i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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