when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize