I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
