I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
