i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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