you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
