If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
