Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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