I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
