Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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