my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
